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The Greatest Poker Monologue Ever

“Look wise, say nothing, and grunt. Speech was given to conceal thought.”
–Sir William Osler
A quick post to recount one of the most memorable hands I’ve ever participated in.
Welcome to Hollywood Park, the place where the gambler’s dreams can come true. Any two cards will do, no matter what limit you’re playing. The game is $15-30 limit hold ‘em, and you just sat down in a loose-passive game where most hands have 4 or 5 players seeing the flop.
You’re in the big blind and watch as the pot is raised under the gun, and by the time the action gets to you, 6 players have called 2 bets cold. You throw in $15 and close the action, getting 15:1 on your call.
The flop: Kd 9c 6s
A young asian guy bets out, and a couple people call, include a middle aged black dude who keeps two dice on the table and rolls them periodically for luck. You chuck your trash hand, not catching a piece of the flop. There is now over $300 in the pot.
The turn comes the 7c, and asian guy bets out. Everyone folds to the dice man, who calls. The river is the harmless looking 2d, and asian guy bets, but dice man comes to life and raises. Asian guy looks puzzled and calls, turning over KTc for top pair. Dice man looks around the table, and rolls a 7 of hearts… and the 2 of hearts, scooping the $500 pot.
The table pauses for a moment, and the Asian guy awakes from his shock: “What the hell? How could you call with absolutely nothing on the flop?”
Diceman just stares at him.
30 seconds pass.
Asian guy: “That’s the worst play I’ve ever seen!”
The rest of the table hears tapping on the aquarium and grows restless.
Diceman just stares at him.
Asian guy: (continues whining) “How could you call on that flop? Seven-deuce??? Worst play ever.”
Diceman, finished stacking his chips, struggles with himself, showing a slight frown. He finally opens his mouth and calmly says,
“That was not the worst play you’ve ever seen. Now look, I’m going to break my rule of not speaking at the table. I never speak at the table, but I feel like I have to explain why that was not the worst play ever. Now, you’re not going to understand this unless you’ve jumped out of a plane before, but I’m gonna say it anyway… When you jump out of a plane, you have to trust your parachute.”
The table sits in awed silence, and finally the asian guy says: “I don’t understand what that means.”
Diceman, getting up, says: “I told you, it won’t make sense unless you’ve jumped out of a plane. You have to trust your parachute. And now, since I’ve broken my rule, I have to leave this table.”
(groans from the rest of the players)
Diceman proceeded to sit in the $20-40 game and lose all of his money. Asian guy continued to call away most of his money, until he cracked my pocket kings by rivering a straight, at which point I was wondering what was wrong with my parachute.
Poker wisdom from Hollywood Park: You have to trust your parachute.

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September 1, 2004 35 Comments

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